Change

Change is brilliant, even if at the time you see it as completely rubbish. Tonight I have had the same sort of questions on my mind that I usually have but tonight I kind of feel like blogging about it. As always to try and make someone who may be going through something similar to not feel so alone. Cause believe me you bunch of beautiful Muppets, you are not.

So firstly let's start with some questions spinning around my brain ball, The current questions:

1. Who am I, and how can I make life for other people more remarkable?
2. How can I make the most of the opportunities in my life and show people I care for how much I care for    them?
3. How do I maintain happiness when I need to be strong for others, and be okay when I need someone around to be strong for me (and also being okay with not being okay for a little while)

When you go through a big change (kind of like a doctors regeneration, plays with the heart strings a tad) it is natural to have a lot of thoughts going on in your head, and tonight for some weird emotional reason I was plagued by this persistent social anxiety that is a constant voice in the back of my mind, that I won't have anything constructive to add to someone else's existence and once I move on from seeing friends or from a workplace, that my existence will be just remnants and not lasting.  Which is of course ridiculous because every moment you spend with someone else you become part of their world. So, as I must learn. Don't sweat it, you matter and your company matters and you most definitely have something (no wait everything to add to someone else's existence). Just try your best to be there for someone else and allow your self to be in that moment and share what you are with them.

This thought process only occurs when i'm going through a hard time or change and is related to an event in my life that happened to me at the end of high school, where I fell massively in love with a beautifully flawed individual that shared my insecurities. It didn't quite turn out and I haven't talked to her in about a year and a half, and don't get me wrong, even though the months of my heart being in pain were awful. The experience helped me grow insanely as an individual and ask a lot of big questions. We shared some great times together she helped me believe in myself and these memories don't stop being any less important and maybe one day we can be friends again.I know one thing though I won't let these voices become who I am, I will drive towards change and surrounding myself with brilliant people who care about me and finding interests that I love (such as writing) to make life brighter... But you know something?

Garden state.

In the past few weeks I have once again been hit by the wave of change, that is the whirlpool of human existence. That drives us headfirst into change, my IT support contract at a job I was working at ended which means leaving a workplace I really loved. To everyone I met from this experience, thank you for teaching me more about computer hardware  and understanding people than I thought I ever could know. I promise I won't forget it. Though this is a definite downer, as it means starting all over at a new place and once I get the right qualifications hopefully finding somewhere new....I don't know maybe.. just maybe it will be an exciting new adventure.

The 3rd semester of my degree is over as of last week, which officially means I am halfway through my degree (all of my woot!). I have put a lot of myself into this semester and I think i am evolving along the pokemon like chain of existence that is the life of a student. Finished off the semester with drinks with fantastic individuals who really make me feel like I belong. Have I mentioned Lan parties are fantastic, they completely and utterly are. I also have a couple of projects to work on over my uni break such as building a computer with a good friend, getting work qualifications, IT study mentor training, catching up with people who I haven't seen in a while and hopefully build a robot! (this would be awesome, but you know baby steps) and as always a humongous pile of books on my reading list (currently about 7 books high >.>.... awesome). Also i'm Finishing surveying my uni campus with a good chap to help a Phd student with a mobile direction app.

I hope everything is going well with you and as always I am here to talk about practically anything, thank you so much for reading this. Don't be afraid of change, and to acknowledge that you aren't always the person you want to be but each day, each change is driving you towards that person. So don't give up hope, you are brilliant and completely individual. When you get that voice in your head like I had tonight, just remember the wise words of the doctor:

Your friend in time,
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